Leisure and Luggage and Letting Go

I returned last night from 4 weeks leisure in Europe. Well, I suppose it's not quite accurate to say that the entire trip was leisurely. Lugging around your luggage through cobblestone streets, breaking shoes, scars on my feet, and stomach problems are not leisurely, but I wouldn't take a day back if you promised me a lifetime more. And I'm not complaining at all; I loved it.
The reason I wanted to mention my trip was not to boast about it, but because of its significance to my leaving for Moldova. Upon returning, I had ten more days in California. I now have nine. There were times when I thought I should have planned for more time at home between my two excursions, but as my dad said about moving out a long time ago: You're never ready till you do it.

And that's how I feel about the Peace Corps. You see, about half way through our trip, when we were in Barcelona, I had a little episode of cold feet. Hot feet seems more just, because cold feet don't run, and my feet wanted to sprint. Running on coals, chasing a train. That's how I felt. I didn't want to go away for two years. I didn't want to commit to something else. (Many of you know how I feel about any type of commitment at the moment) I did NOT want to go to Moldova. I thought: Maybe I will just try to find a similar one-year program. Maybe I will wait and do a PC project next year, see how I feel then. But we all know what happens when people keep saying "next year." They don't do it. I wanted to take more time to travel around, to see new places and new faces, to travel around spontaneously with no one and nothing keeping me in one particular place, no one else to accommodate.

That feeling got even worse when we were in France, because I've wanted to move to France to expedite my french skills, to write a novel, to eat the food, to travel south of Paris. Paris also made it more difficult because I had to say my first "farewell." Well, actually, when Mike and Angie dropped me off at the Charleston airport in July and I looked after their blue van, I realized I wouldn't see them for a few years. THAT was my first goodbye. But it's different with friends, I suppose, because I'm used to seeing Liz multiple times a year. And now, in Paris, I said goodbye knowing I would likely not see her until I came home from service....in 2009. (I love you Liz, and I am so glad that I was able to spend such a romantic city with you!)

Somewhere in my travels, I settled down. The travelling wore me out - a little, as I will never get tired of travelling - and I was relatively ready to come home. I think part of the problem was that "coming home" meant "facing leaving again." But, in London, Alan reminded me how quickly two years will go by. As simple a statement as that, it was very necessary. It was also wonderful to know that the Scales family will be in London while I'm in Moldova. It's not the same region, but it's definitely Europe. Thank you all, by the way, because your support and love was more appreciated than I can ever express. And thank you Mike and Cindy Gold for all of your effort in connecting me to Moldova and making sure I would be welcomed and accommodated. It's also wonderful to know that Prague is just a short plane flight away. That's not silly complimentary banter; it's truly reassuring.

So, here I am. Nine days left in California, grateful that my two days staging is in Washington D.C. so I can see my brother up until the last possible moment, jumping beans in my stomach, not quite procrastinating but definitely taking my time to "get my stuff together" before I leave.
There is nothing too crazy to do, but a lot of little things. When I was on the plan home, I prayed that I would not stress during these last ten days, that I would appreciate them. Only ten days, Samantha, you have to deal with it. I have accepted that I cannot possibly see everyone that I want to see before I go...

Which reminds me: party...friday...our house. Nothing crazy, but I WOULD like to see as many people as possible before I go. Bring a dish or a drink, and your camera, of course. Everyone is welcome.

I've also really missed some home cooking. And then realized that missing it after one month is nothing compared to missing it after two years. I'm very spoiled with my parents' cooking, and now I have to live without it. Now I will be living with another family and experiencing THEIR home cooking. But we all know it's not the same. This week will be jam-packed with my favorite dishes - very exciting!

It was interesting to live with less for these past four weeks. For Michael and Kat, it was a chance to realize what they will appreciate when they get home (except for Kat, who won't have clothes dryers next Spring). For me, it was an opportunity to practice not having certain amenities. Like private bathrooms. Or air conditioning. Or keyboards with letters in weird places. But I LOVED not having a cell phone. Except of course when I had people who were waiting on me...

Thank you to everyone that shared this summer with me. Thank you for the people who speak other languages for reminding me how much I LOVE languages and how excited I am to learn another one soon. Thank you for those who shared local foods and drinks (and bought me drinks). Thank you to those who offered their homes and their time and their jokes. Thank you for the horrible play with Orlando Bloom for reminding me how much I love theatre. Thank you for those who wrote to me or called me while I was away; your thoughts were very needed, especially when I was in doubt of my decisions.

Back to some responsibility now. I have some calls to make, some things to get in order, some items to pack up (emotionally and literally). "It's grown up time," as Kat and I discussed. Well, considering my favorite character is Peter Pan, I don't think it's every quite grown up time. But something like it, maybe.