Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Purpose and Pumpkin Pie

When I first got to the village, I slept in the front room. That meant that we had to heat two fires (and sometimes twice a day each). So then I moved into the middle room. It was warmer, protected from cold by rooms on each side. And we only had to light one fire for both bedrooms and the kitchen combined. It was nice. But I didn’t make it my own until just this last winter when I finally put up pictures and letters from friends and family…and some Christmas garlands that I kept up on the walls until now.

Two weeks ago, though, host mama asked me if I could move my stuff back into the front room so they could do some repairs in the middle room before the cold comes. Ok. That meant that I needed to pack up all my clothes, get rid of even more, and move everything into the other room. So last week I was half in one room and half in the other and this week I am completely in the front room, all my belongings sprawled in various piles waiting for me to decide what to take and what to leave.

At the time, I didn’t want to move my stuff because it meant I would be living out of a suitcase for the next two weeks. But now I’m glad, because it forced me to get rid of a lot of stuff in advance, and now, when the last few days are up, I have significantly less to deal with. Getting rid of tons of items brought a much needed feeling of liberation. And it’s a nice cycle…back in the room where I started…

I also had a lot of documents to finish up: the last quarterly report of all activities, outcomes, and projects: site history report documenting all village organizations, relationships, possibilities for another volunteer, safety issues, transportation, etc.; the official “description of service” condensing my two years into 1.5 pages; the collecting, pasting, and reporting of all Kindergarten Project receipts, budget forms, and writing of the final report. Then I still needed to actually FINISH the project: the seminar; the demonstrations; ordering the furniture; buying the learning tools/books/games/musical instruments (when we don’t have our own transportation); convincing villagers why the money was already allocated to something specific and why it could not be used for A, B, or C.

I was stressed. I was excited to be busy, but it gave me very little time to relax, reflect, and adjust. I finished earlier than expected, baked pumpkin-pie-from-scratch number 2 for the Peace Corps Staff Appreciation, and exhaled. And now I have this week to visit with people, get pictures developed, and pack. Honestly, I don’t think I would have wanted more down time because this transition is uncomfortable enough. I’m neither truly here nor completely gone, my things are everywhere and I can’t yet think about home because then I won’t get anything done.

But as I was riding into Chisinau Friday, looking at the extraordinarily beautiful autumn we’ve had up north, I felt so utterly content. I was thinking about the seminar at the kindergarten and I was so energized! To update you all: Sunday the 4th Natalia came up and we held the training with kindergarten teachers. I was unbelievably nervous; I didn’t want to be the young American who has been here for two years and is now coming to tell them what they are doing wrong. But we planned well. Natalia did a great job of including them in the activities, of asking them for their input, telling them we understand that they are experienced but that they get tired sometimes and that we only want to offer them a wider selection of tools for their choosing.

They were smiling, nodding, participating, and throwing out ideas. This is the second time that I have planned a seminar directly related to child development, fourth time I have led the workshop, and second time that I thought the topic would be too basic. Again, I was surprised. Ideas that I took for granted even BEFORE undergrad had still gone unarticulated here: the purpose of hands-on learning; the ways movement-based activities are good for kindergarteners; the simplicity of using “baby talk” and repeating words to demonstrate actions (“open, close”) to young children; the benefit of limits and discipline that teaches instead of just punishing.

And then afterwards, the women were so excited to demonstrate some of these new activities, to be an example for other kindergartens and volunteers who might like to lead similar trainings. But my favorite comment was that “you taught us things that we already knew but didn’t realize we already knew.” (Of course there were those who chose not too participate, but as long as at least one teacher changes at least one technique and benefits at least one child, then we have made a difference.)

And then on Monday when we were discussing what learning materials to buy, the teachers were trying to explain a toy to me, and it was taking me a while. The word they were using was “pyramid” so I kept picturing a building block shaped like a pyramid. They were trying, instead, to describe the standing pole on which we stack rings of different sizes and colors, largest first and smallest on top. I was secretly stunned, realizing that we were planning consciously to provide these students with an item that I still imagined as a kindergarten given. Shame on me.

And it really is incredible how far the dollar goes. Each classroom now has books, balls, toys, building blocks, math cubes, and plastic “exotic fruit” that I also took for granted (bananas and oranges). There are now puzzles, a plastic piano, guitar, drawing easel, plastic vegetables, storybooks, math books, and a working accordion for their music time (the one “artistic” activity they had done consistently until the accordion decided to die).

And the tables and chairs, which were sure to come only after I’ve left, should get delivered within the next two days!

Wednesday two other volunteers came up to film the demonstrations and the children (and teachers!) were excited. The teachers were talking about what they learned, what the kids liked, why the guide was beneficial, and how they wished we had collaborated earlier.

I met the woman who is in charge of preschool education in the Soroca region (AMAZING WOMAN!), gave her a copy of the guide, and took her contact information. She was the best advocate of making sure the items were out and readily available in each classroom instead of tucked away in the downstairs cabinet. She wants to make copies for each kindergarten in Soroca and run an experience exchange with all the other teachers in the region! Oh how I wish I could have been able to see it happen…but perhaps this is the time to let it go, no? When someone else has offered to take it up on their own…

Well anyway…so I was on the way to Chisinau Friday, thinking about all of these happenings, the unexpected success I felt after this project…and I was overwhelmed with the strongest memory of coaching gymnastics. And the strongest desire to do things correctly, to work to the maximum, to give my all, and the joy of being creative in my work.

I have been writing graduate school application essays about how much coaching and PC have together contributed to my desire to study child development…but it was coming away from this project that brought such a joyful contentment. I have changed my mind a million times since coming here, modified my interests, thought about law school, med school, art school, and about working abroad for a few more years. But here, in this moment, overjoyed by memories of coaching and always trying to be one step ahead of the class in the most creative way possible….and already having started the application process in this same area, already sure that it was necessary to come full circle in this field…

Sorry, I’m not expressing myself clearly because I haven’t quite sorted it all out. But the point is that I felt content in the way things turned out, the way they are going, and the interconnected relationship between the two.

I almost studied something else, I almost went to a different school, I could have gone somewhere besides Moldova, I could have done a million things differently, and I don’t know exactly WHY things happened the way they did. But for better or worse, it all seems to fit together, the pieces became clear, and I could see the whole puzzle…and I KNEW without a shred of doubt that every moment that led to that moment staring out the window has been necessary and perfect and that each step taken has already set me up for the place I will eventually need to be…wherever that is.

And now I can’t tell you how even more excited I am for graduate school, for the ten months before then, for finding out where I will end up, for the topics I will be studying…for all of it!

A week ago I was testy, cranky at all villagers who didn’t respond to my “hello,” and now I am at peace. Calm. Appreciative.

Friday we had the staff appreciation dessert/ice cream bar. Saturday we had a Peer Support 5k and the Wine Festival. Sunday before leaving Chisinau, I sent in my first application! I said goodbye to some volunteers who I won’t see next weekend (and maybe ever again). Then I got on the bus for my last trip back to the village. The further out of the city, the more orange and red the trees and the more grateful I became that I’ve lived somewhere with four distinct seasons…and that I’ve gotten to see them cycle twice. And the orange leaves reminded me first of Halloween and then of Thanksgiving…and then I smiled, because I will be home for Thanksgiving this year. And now I’ve made a pumpkin pie from scratch. Twice.