WHEN A BUCKET BEATS A BATH

December 4, 2007

I left my village in November (after not even a full week, mind you) and came back in December. I finally decided that six straight days of painful every-morning diarrhea was too much. So a one-night in TDY (no, nobody knows what it stands for, but it means “sick bay” in limba Samantha) turned into six nights – the exact number of nights I had spent in my village up until that point. Everyday I told my host mom I was leaving the following day. I left on Wednesday. It’s Tuesday, and I just got back.

Fortunately when I first walked into the office last Wednesday, sick and cranky, I saw that I had two packages – a blessing in disguise. So TDY has two showers and a kitchen and fellow-volunteers as company, and heating, and real beds and access to all of Chişinău’s resources, but man, it can drive you crazy. I didn’t even last ONE FULL WEEK in my village before revisiting the capital. And so sitting around made me feel extremely guilty, especially because I wasn’t able to spend my birthday with my host family. Granted, I was pretty darn lucky to have such great company on my birthday. Volunteers that I had just met made sure that it was a special day. And my family! And my friends! I am so overwhelmed! I think the surprise of all of my birthday messages and cards and packages was the biggest joy. Because I wasn’t expecting 1) to receive them and 2) to be sick and, therefore, in the capital to pick them up, they were that much more special. Then I got back to my village to a bottle of champagne and an apple cake that my host mom had made on Sunday (because I thought I was coming home each day), that was actually still moist and DELICIOUS tonight. Again, surprises. But, of course, I wouldn’t have gotten to know some current volunteers if we weren’t all housed in the sick house together.

The trip home was scary, because, like always, I procrastinated from leaving. Granted I did ACTUALLY LEAVE the apartment/sick house/black hole today, which is an accomplishment because I was getting tired of hearing myself say “I’m leaving tomorrow,” but then I went to the Piaţa Agricol to see my training host mom as it was on the way to the bus station. It wouldn’t have taken me that long to find it except it took me ten minutes (honestly) to get up the nerve to cross the busy street (J-walking is not just a national pastime, it’s a way of life, a traveling necessity) and then I walked around the wrong piaţa for ten minutes. Anyway, it took me a while, so when I was finally on the bus and arriving near my village, it was dark and I started repeating “I’m so scared, I’m so scared, I’m so scared” in my head as I couldn’t see where I was and I had too many bags to get to the front to discuss with the driver about where I needed to stop. I was playing all possible scenarios in my head if we had passed my village and I ended up another three hours away, or what I would do if I just decided to get off in the rain. Luckily, another gentleman was getting off at the same spot. I wasn’t sure if I had heard correctly though, but I followed him off the bus hoping it was my stop, saw that it was, but didn’t see my host dad’s car (who had been waiting 30 minutes by that point). He found me, and we went home.

Point? Well everyday in TDY, I took a shower with water that gets as hot as I want, when I want it to, water that comes out of a shower head, in a shower that I can stand up in, or a bath tub that I can actually plug to make a bath, with two heated (indoor!) bathrooms and real towels, without worrying about wasting someone’s bill, or spilling on my wood floor. OH!! Which reminds me: I never wrote about my bucket-bathing attempt!

Ok, well…last Saturday I got to bathe! After dinner I asked about how to go about doing that, and it turned out that the bathtub room (no, not the same as a “bathroom”…it’s a room with a bathtub, hence “bathtub room”) was too cold. My room was much warmer. She pulled back the carpet near the soba (wall fireplace/heater contraption), put a chair on the wood floor, and put a large metal bowl on top, filled with warm water. Asked me if I wanted her to help me wash my hair. “If you would like!” “I do.” Sure! So I took off my sweatshirt and necklace and put my head in the bowl. She poured more warm water over my head and I felt as if I was back at the hairdresser’s getting my hair cut, or maybe leaning forward and dying my hair over my sink. After she washed my hair (teamwork!) she wrapped my hair in my towel and left me to bathe. Well, she did walk in on me bottom-less looking for my louffah (man, how do you spell that?).

Ok, so this is what I had as my bathing equipment: chair, red taz (wide, shallow bucket), bucket with warm water, mug to pour with, tea kettle, louffah, empty bucket for dirty water. I started by standing with one foot over the red taz and poured water over my right leg, realized the chair had a purpose, and sat down. Poured water over my leg, soaped up, rinsed, then repeated with the other foot. It got trickier when I wanted to wash the rest of me. I used the louffah for my arms, but leaning over the taz while I poured was a bit messy. Surprisingly washing my face this way was the hardest, because when I poured the water over my face, it ran down my face, chest, and belly and straight onto the floor. There I was squatting naked next to the tax, trying to lean over as much as I could and then I realized it would be way more efficient just to dip my towel in the clean water and wipe my face. “Maybe next week you can get your own taz.” Yes! I’m looking forward to it actually. That way I can wash up every night with just one tea kettle’s worth of water until I want to wash my hair.

When I was done, I surveyed my damage: clean body, wet floor, sore knees from squatting. Maybe this weekend/next time I’ll just try to bathtub room anyway. Although now that I’ve been sick she will probably insist I don’t bathe in a cold room. And she will probably be right again about the comfort of bathing in a warm room, but an intestinal parasite isn’t brought on by cold weather.

So why is the bucket better? Because it’s home now. Because even though I got to take a shower as many times as I wanted at TDY, I wore the same two outfits for six days (but I did get mighty good at washing my underwear in the sink and drying them over the radiator even though we’re not supposed to because it could catch on fire). So my feet might have been cleaner but my socks were dirty.

December 5, 2007

I still get emails from the UCSB College of Creative Studies Literature department. I actually read one of the hundred I have received since last summer alone. I could be learning Arabic right now. Or Portuguese. Either would be awesome. And many of you know that I actually do want to learn Arabic. But I’m in Moldova, learning Romanian. And the intended-to-be-speedy pop account process took over an hour to download with announcements for the classes I could be taking right now.

Ok so I went back to show my face in the community today. Meaning, I sat with the social assistant (Moldovan version of social worker through the mayor’s office) as she distributed funds to the “invalizi” in the community - people specifically listed as “invalid” although it is closer to “physically handicapped.” Depending on their category, they received 60 or 100 lei – for the whole year. (It’s roughly 11 lei to the dollar) Some of the passports they showed still said “CCCP,” leftovers from Soviet rule in the area. Did they ever receive Republica Moldova passports or just prefer to use these? And as one gentleman poked his head in the door, unable to hear or speak, he rubbed his thumb, index, and middle fingers together for “money.” Yes, this is the place to pick up your annual allotment. I don’t know why I was so surprised that the gesture is the same.

December 6, 2007

Apparently I have one of the top ten veceuls (outhouses) in Moldova! It is made out of clay/cement rather than wood. The floor has terra cotta, and I have a wool-covered SEAT for those winter months. Of course the seat is covering a simple hold, but it makes the sick days a tad bit less depressing. And we have a LIGHT inside! For those of you who have never had to squat over a tiny hole, you know that a lack of light at night makes it that much more daunting.

December 9, 2007

The idea was to create an English-speaking discussion group in order to raise money for some of the two hundred needy children in our village. Actually, the first few times she asked if I wanted to do it to raise money to buy myself winter shoes - in addition, of course, to appealing to the kids who would come to discuss with a non-teacher in a more casual atmosphere. “Ok, but I don’t want to teach, it will just be a discussion group.” Later that day we talked to the mayor who was really supportive and offered to come with us to the school the next morning. I asked if we should talk to the English teacher but it was “not necessary.” Well after being shuttled by the elbow from class to class where I was introduced as someone who was going to come in and teach English to PRACTICALLY THE WHOLE SCHOOL, I began to feel a physically sick.

And then when we walked into the English teacher’s room (yes, they have one, so why would I be teaching English behind her back?) we basically hit her in the face when I was introduced as coming to give them something they didn’t have. But, with all of the teachers crammed into the office, I tried to clarify later that “I’m not a teacher and it will just be a discussion. I want to collaborate together for the whole community, if you have any ideas, as well as ideas for areas other than the school, I’d love to hear and work together.” And to the director, I said, “I’m not going to be teaching people who have never learned English.” We’ll see how well that came across. I just don’t want there to be a mob of misinformed kids (and the parents who gave them money). I also arranged to speak with the English teacher next week in order to 1) apologize and 2) get her advice.

Frost and Carbon Monoxide and Strangers

Written: November 8, 2007

Yesterday I woke up to find the first frost! My host sister and I cracked the ice puddles on our way to school!

And last night, my carbon monoxide detector went off. I was halfway between running around like I was decapitated when another volunteer rushed over, forgetting his phone, to bring save my life and let me borrow his non-defunct alarm. Well we were going to meet him midway between our houses but of course he went one way, in the dark without phone, and we went the other, in the dark without flashlight. It probably would have been more quick to accept the “it’s malfunctioning” idea if it hadn’t been yelling “WARNING! CARBON MONOXIDE!! WARNING CARBON MONOXIDE!!!” and if another volunteer hadn’t ACTUALLY had a CO problem. “But at least you won’t die if you stay awake.” Today I'm getting a new one.


Written: November 5, 2007

I was on the way to the capital to open up my bank account. It was weeks ago. I was looking out of the green van as we passed through the market area. Raised up, looking down on the passing world. A tanned, sun-wrinkled, work-toughened man was lugging something behind him. He was serious and concentrating, without noticing the other people around him except maybe when he would weave between people. And then he changed. He stopped and shook another man’s hand and he had this smile on his face, this genuine, life-changing smile. That smile was just waiting for someone to provoke it. And we drove passed and I had to turn my head to the left to keep my eye on him and his handshake, his enjoyment. Within a single encounter, his wrinkles slackened and his nails weren’t so tough anymore. His burden wasn’t so heavy and I stopped thinking that Moldovans were cold.

And on the way back from Orhei (one of the few sizeable towns in Moldova) we were in the back of the bus, squished in the left corner with a woman on my right with a eager smile. We were talking over her to our colleagues outside – in English, of course. And she instantly started up conversation – in Romanian, of course – found out I was a twin and gave me a big smoosh of a hug, so tight my glasses were crooked. I wonder what she would have done if she knew we’re both twins?! Given us each a kiss?

Even culture prep can be built from (or lead to) stereotypes. In preparation for not necessarily having running water, we can end with the following situation:
Host mom: How often would you like to shower?
Trainee: I don’t know, once a week?
Host mom: That’s it?!

I don’t want to ask for too much. I don’t want to waste too much money on plumbing, electricity or gas, but I don’t want to assume that people are poorer than they are. Which would most insult you?

And how is “hullabaloo” in the thesaurus but not “humanistic”?

A thousand words' worth of pictures

Written: October 18, 2007

In lieu of the pictures I still haven’t put up, here’s some figurative language for ya:
What I normally eat throughout the day, for example, will probably give you a better picture of Moldova than my ranting about identity and emotional gobble-dee-gook.

BREAKFAST:
Normally it’s an egg or two, fried with salam (which is kind of a mix between an Italian salami and pork sausages), and maybe some chicken fried in there too. On a frying pan, not deep fried.
Then of course there’s bread with homemade butter and maybe some brinza (a white, homemade cheese, salty like feta)
And tea…with lemon and lots of sugar unless I pour the sugar myself.
Sometimes some mini cucumbers because they grow in kilos in the garden…always with a small bowl of salt.
And twice we’ve had porridge. But, of course, I had no idea that’s what porridge was and they don’t call it porridge – they call it caşa – so it took me a while to realize I was eating what Oliver wanted more of. Oh, sorry, that was gruel. And caşa tastes better than gruel. But, then again, I never thought that porridge would be something I liked. And I’ve never tried gruel.
I had rice in the morning once. It’s easy on your stomach and it was almost creamy. I loved it. (And bread).

LUNCH:
Normally we have soup for lunch. And, mind you, if it’s chicken soup, you see the chicken feet and the organ meat, if you’re lucky enough to get it. The meat is tender, fresh, and cut in random shapes, not small and bite-sized like in the Campbell’s soup cans. I don’t like the feet though - no meat, just awkward to eat. There are normally potatoes in the soup (and a LOT in my bowl), plus onion, maybe some carrots, and sweet parsley.
And bread.
Often, though, we have barley with meat, which many people eat with mayo (which I have started to like again…in moderation!) because it makes some dry grains not so dry, a little more tasty and more caloric for the winter.
Bread.
And some cucumbers
When I get a packed lunch, it often has a skyscraper-sized pile of bread-brinza-bread-briza-bread-brinza, half a kilo of cucumbers, five medium tomatoes, and a quarter kilo of sweet, saliva-trickling mini tomatoes. Maybe a hardboiled egg or two.

DINNER:
For a main course: Often the same type of soup is served, or noodles with chicken, butter, and parsley. Or livers. I can’t even imagine how many ducks and chickens have died so that I can eat their livers. And I don’t even know if that’s definitely what I’ve been eating, because that really is way too much dead poultry to keep up with the reproduction rate.
Bread, always, in abundance. But I’ve realized that if you always have a piece in your hand and make sure to take little nibbles every so often, they don’t push you to eat so much bread. One is a must, but I love bread, and I love scooping up my remaining soup or rice, or egg with it.
There is always some type of salad for dinner, normally with cabbage, some oil and vinegar, black pepper, and dill. Dill goes in most every salad. I don’t know if this dill just tastes better, if I’m getting used to it, or if I never really gave it a shot, but I like Moldovan dill. Or, at least, I like dill in Moldova.
As fall starts getting chilly (and by “chilly” I mean “almost freezing”) we don’t eat as many bell peppers (only the red kind), but sometimes they are in the salad too. And tomatoes from the garden! At least six twenty-foot rows of tomatoes!
We once had this really yummy mushroom dish of chopped little button mushrooms (store-bought because some forest mushrooms are poisonous and only sometimes does that mean “hallucinogenic”). Well they were cooked with sweet parsley, maybe some butter, and just enough sour cream/egg mixture to coat.
Sometimes we have fish, but I don’t normally eat it. Except when I succumb to the “Eat! Eat!” pressure, and when it was cooked outside on the makeshift fire. It was a shoe-box-sized tin box with coal and corn cobs burning inside. Two fish were on skewers resting on the top of the box. Delicious! Tender, fragrant, and then garnished with fresh dill and scallions from the garden. Actually I can’t say that they were scallions because these “green onions” were the sharpest skinny little supposed-to-be-scallions I have ever bitten into (because you eat them raw). I think that was for my two week anniversary in this village, accidentally.

Which brings me too…

Dancing! After dinner that night we danced Moldovan-style. There are two basic ways we danced: in a circle and in a waltz. The circle is called hora, but it’s not the same as the traditional Jewish hora or other European horas. (And sorry if I spelled either one incorrectly.) You all hold hands and step, step, kick, step, step, kick with the other foot. I think I got the pattern down, but who knows? It was fun, communal. The waltz was dizzying as all waltzes are, but it was quicker and your arm is stiff and father from you, almost straight. It seems a little more hoppity, more flexibility in the direction of spinning. We danced outside on the front porch. I like Moldovan music a lot more now that I’ve had fun dancing to it.

SIGHTS:
And now, for the second verbal picture, the scenery:
Let me describe my future village. It’s an old village. The roads are horrible. HORRIBLE!! Huge crevices along the dirt roads that look like fault-lines down the center make it necessary to be a skilled driver when you take your 1980 van out in the wee morning hours. But riding on that old school bus was really amusing; I was totally impressed with the driver. And I was amused that, as my torso stayed stable, everything below my belly button went boppity-boppity. But I love that, save the main roads, the roads aren’t perpendicular. They turn and twist, and the presence of more dark trees adds a characteristic shadow here and there. The wooden fences match the wooden houses. If the houses aren’t made of wooden and painted blue or green, they’re made of stone. And if they’re painted, they’re blue or green. If the gate is metal, it’s blue or green. But on the outskirts of the village, behind the last curve of houses…space. Backyards blend into the slopes of pastures and hills. Peaks of houses from other villages are visible but not tangible and autumn makes the land look like golden hour.

As far as I know, no one in the village has running water, but maybe that’s just the case for the majority. Perhaps the mayor does. I will be bathing in a bath tub, but the water will be heated on the stove and then poured in the tub or over myself and you can be sure to expect an entry when I do that for the first time. I know some volunteers already do that, or they bathe in a bucket outside. But I’ve yet to have such fun. Soon! I’m wholeheartedly looking forward to it! I’d rather the water be warm than running.

To get back to the capital we got driven the four kilometers to the main road in that 1980 van through the creviced streets, got a minibus to Soroca (fifteen minutes maybe), then got on another unheated minibus for the 3-hour ride to the capital.
The drive to and from my future site is one of the most naturally charming routes I’ve ever taken. I went a little before sunset the way there and a little after sunrise the way back. I’ll take you along the route back. What I’ve seen of Soroca is that it’s a town, but it’s not too big. Its buildings are relatively short and I saw a sign for yoga lessons! The town is right on the Nistru River, the border between Moldova and Ukraine. The bus station in Soroca has one strip of spaces for minibuses (rutiere) to other main cities. It was early morning and very cold. Frosted breath, gloves and hats, couples close and cuddly.

As we first pulled away, we drove parallel to the Ukraine and the flatbed of the river on our left with a row of trees dividing our view. We turned gradually and were into shadow, surrounded by a thicker burst of trees and climbing gradually. I saw white rock cut from the mountain to our right, but I couldn’t see if it was man-cut or natural. Sometimes I wouldn’t be able to see the slope, but I would feel it, or visa versa. Then we emerged from the trees and were traveling through interlocking hills that look like they’d reach a giant’s hip. Like fingers interlocking. And I saw a meadow on my right once we were no longer following the river. A meadow! Farther on was a dense, if small, forest, and closer to the road was a seemingly smooth, grass-green meadow with cows and a random grazing horse.

And then, further on to my left, where two hills crisscrossed, an older man was herding sheep. I hadn’t before seen a herd of sheep in Moldova. (Have I ever seen one?) Every evening in my current village the cows cross the street from the narrow pasture opposite the village, but this herd of sheep was different. It was distant. It didn’t involve the passing minibus. And the cows practically get hit by the passing cars each evening.

It’s not too different from my current village – poop of all kinds on the street, people polish their shoes, older women wear scarves on their heads, people have chickens. More horse-drawn carts in my future village! I can’t wait to ride on one! I saw at least three on my walks throughout the village on my visit last weekend! And even in Soroca, the capital town of the raion (region), people drive the horse-drawn carts on the side of the road. Some of the most dangerous accidents involve mini taxi buses and horse-drawn carts. Along every trip you see crosses on the sides of the road (often blue) where someone was killed in an accident. And no one wears seatbelts. If you put it on, they tell you to take it off. And after I leave I wonder if my host family will start drinking the unfiltered well water again.

Three hours to the next outhouse!

written: October 10, 2007

Yesterday we got our site placements. Staff drew a replica outline of Moldova outside with sidewalk chalk. Chairs were placed in the relative locations of our sites, decorated with corn, plants, and signs stating the village and raion (region, pronounced “ray-own”). I’m going to be in the north of Moldova. Three hours or more from the capital and a lifetime away from the volunteers in the south. I’m probably just as inconveniently far from the Kiev airport as I am from the Bucharest airport. No bother. I think I’ll like it. I know I’ll like it. Probably a little over twenty kilometers from the major city, Soroca. I believe the village is larger than my current village, as based on the most accurate of sources: font size of the village on the map. I’d say my current village is at a 6 pt. font and my future village is at about an 8 pt.

But there’s more! The closest other M21 volunteer will be none other than the first person I met at staging in Washington. The one who looked at me like I was a psycho Californian with my dodgers t-shirt and the luggage I could neither carry nor drag by myself. And who is the second closest M21 to me? Why the second person I met, of course!! We are all in the same raion. I won’t mention your names in case you like me less than I like you, but our recent day trip to the south of Moldova (which took 3 hours one way and 2 hours back – mind you this was by car, not airplane, so what was the change in duration, I’ve no idea…) bonded us a little. An intense Rock-Paper-Scissors tournament can do that. (Do you read my blog?) Two years will pass by in a jiffy since I’ve realized I know way more about Star Wars and Star Trek than I ever knew. I have my father and brother to thank, of course.

Ok, but besides the trekkie trivia, I don’t know much about my future village, but the raion (Soroca) is getting mixed reviews so far. Some say it’s beautiful and I’ve “hit the mother load.” Others say it’s “not bad” but not much else. Two things seem undisputed: there is an ancient fortress in the area, and a large number of Romi families, or ţigani. I haven’t investigated the terminology yet, I don’t know if “ţigani” is derogatory or not, but since I know “Romi” isn’t, I’ll use that. You’d probably call them “gypsies” anyway. Yesterday, three representatives from the Romi population came to speak with us. One man who runs an NGO, a mom and her daughter. They wore the traditional dress. Bright colors. Head scarves. Shawl around their waste. They danced for us. They performed a symbolic scene of suffering and being ostracized, of no one wanting to employ them or school their children. But the mother had a beautiful speaking voice, she spoke some English, and her daughter was beautiful and wide-eyed.

It upsets me that I still don't know much about the stereotypes that are prevalent here. It bothers me because I’m still ignorant here. There are a lot of things I don’t know and stereotypes will only perpetuate that. In addition, I will not only likely be working with Romi families, but I am excited about it. There are so many different stories within Moldova, so many separate histories and cultures. There was an older woman who spoke about her experience as a Jewish woman in a country changed from generation to generation, a history that extends past two world wars into regional and local struggle. Even after my service I will probably still not be able to identify the “Moldovan” identity. (I know that there is never one single national identity, but for a country so small, I am interested in the vast difference in cultures and the perpetuation of reciprocal animosity). Interesting tidbit: In one family, the generations of women were perfect representations of Moldovan history via the language they studied and spoke. Pre-1812, Bessarabia was a principality of Romania. Great grandma spoke Russian because she lived here when Bessarabia was annexed by Russia after 1812. Grandma spoke Romanian because she lived here between WWI and WWII when the area was part of Romania again. Mother speaks Romanian and Russian because she lived here when Moldavia was part of the USSR and Russian was taught in schools, but Romanian spoken at home. Daughter speaks Romanian, Russian, and beautiful English.

But bear with me for the obvious: there are stereotypes in America, too. Everywhere. I might be the youngest, I might be idealistic, and I might be from California, but now I’m going to be the American in my village. I am representing my country. I will be the sole source of stereotype in my little village and within my organization. There are people in the past who have ruined the opportunity for other Americans to ever live in a particular village because they have been irresponsible or otherwise inappropriate. Of course there are places where not even the most immaculate of souls would change the perspective of the locals. But first, I’m not going into a “we hate Americans” war zone and, secondly, I know it’s not my job to “change people’s minds” anyway. I’m just saying that I know I’m in a position where the negative results might be easier to conjure than the positive. So what do I do? I pray. I mediate. I thank God for putting me in a place where I can be away from the easy hubbub. I’m in the north, it will probably be colder (though you never know, last winter was dry). I’ll have time to focus more on spirituality and less on volunteer gossip. Yes, we selfless souls can gossip quite a bit.

I’ll find out this weekend. On Saturday we leave to visit our sites. First test in navigating ourselves (what happens when I get to the village? Will someone be there to meet me? What if I can’t find the families’ homes? – There are no addresses in the villages, by the way). I believe once I’ve found my way to a particular intersection, my counterpart will come pick me up, though she suggested I hitchhike. I will be staying with three host families between Saturday and Tuesday. We get to try out each of the outhouses, test the home cooking, and find the house with the biggest garden. The funny part is I’m not even kidding. What I like is that my organization is located in the actual village and the village is small(ish). Considering the nearest bus seems to stop three kilometers from the village, I wouldn’t want to walk that distance in the dark. The safety-against-being-careless-and-getting-raped talks made two things very clear: don’t get wasted and don’t walk alone at night. I don’t want to talk statistics; I just want to be thankful. I’ve been having ugly dreams. I can’t call them nightmares because they only scare me when I wake up and think about them. But none of them are real, and I’m getting hungry. First, sorry it’s taken so long to get out postcards or mail anything at all. Soon! And then let me end by saying: being in Moldova makes me want to read history books.

when you have no concept of time

Sunday Sep. 29th, 2007

OK the blog below was written over a week ago but I have just been able to put it up. A bunch has changed. Number of people gone: 2. Reasons: still unknown. I have had a history lesson on Orthodox Christianity that didn't really tell me anything new but it was interesting to see the 26 year old priest explain his thoughts to us. It is a beautiful country and I am everyday more comfortable with the language. But I get so worn out, plus all of these immunizations make me tired. But I am more convinced everyday that I want to continue to study languages. No more fear that I won't get the chance. Each Romanian lessons increases that desire. And I also relized just how much multilingualism attracts me to a person. I have many more thoughts on this but I have limited time so I'm trying to squeeze as much in as possible.

Apparently this blog is on the peace corps blog site, but I had no clue. News to me.

In 10 days I find out where I'll be going, and those of you who have me figured out could probably have guessed that I am not going to request anything. I will tell them my thoughts and interests and let myself be part of the world instead of a dictator within it.

Meanwhile, the rest of the blog from below is still valid. Enjoy:

September 20, 2007

Warning: This one is as long as the one before it…and I talk about outhouses…in detail

So we found out today that the big all-volunteer Thanksgiving dinner is not going to happen this year. Considering Thanksgiving is my favorite and most-celebrated family holiday, I am quite disappointed. Especially considering so many relatives are planning on being in L.A. for T-Day this year; I’m jealous, but dealing with it. Disappointed, but not dying. (I reread this part and think I sound too lighthearted. I was unhappy enough to glare at the country director…and normally I’m a “ball of sunshine.” So glaring equals “not good.”) Also forgot to note before that I will find out my future organization and location much sooner than I had expected. I will find out on Tuesday October 9th – four weeks earlier than anticipated. In exchange for finding out sooner, I’m worried there will be less opportunity for assuring an appropriate match. Let me rephrase that; most sites seem like they will be appropriate, but you want to make sure your energy is put somewhere that interests you. So when I said “I’ll do whatever you need” I meant “as long as it’s something I like.” It’s totally possible to be an idealist and not be a martyr.

I also want to thank all of you who have written me. The internet connection in my village is turtle slow and is only accessible through the telephone line, which is, of course, foreign to the locals and obviously requires occupying my host family’s telephone line. So I am writing entries in advance and then pasting them quickly when I eventually make it online. So if I haven’t responded, stay with me.
Oh, and I know some people were wondering where to send packages (I love you!!). Here it is again:
Samantha Marangell, PCT
Corpul Pacii
12 Grigore Ureche Street
Chisinau 2001
Republica Moldova

Remember to tape/package it as tightly and securely as possible and not to send letters unless they are IN the package, because plain envelopes get opened and searched for “money coming home.” Anyway, that address will be good the ENTIRE time I am in Moldova. IF it becomes easier to send packages elsewhere, I’ll let you know. But you could ALWAYS send it to the Corpul Pacii address and it will eventually get to me.

It’s not physically difficult to adjust to the slower timeframe of events here (like receiving packages, catching public transport, or showering); it’s difficult reminding myself that I can. Wasn’t that one of the reasons I was okay coming here in the first place? Specifically to slow down and take the longer route? Because three degrees in five years only makes sense if those are the degrees you want. I’ve also had to accept that if I find typos in my previous entries, I’m going to have to deal with it, because there’s no way I’m going to waste my time correcting an old entry when it will take ten minutes to refresh the page.

I rode the public transport today. We had staff with us on the way there, but went “trainees only” on the way back. It is a mini bus that gets filled with people and doesn’t have designated stops but, instead, goes between two major cities and stops along the way as people request. I’ve yet to see it sardine-packed, though, but I think that (as with the 405 at rush hour) if you’re going away from the capital, you’ve got it made. The walls and ceiling are carpeted, but not the floor. The driver was going 130 km/hour and talking on his cell phone. The difference from L.A.?? Cows in the middle of the road and corn on the floor.

And yes, I’ve totally used the outhouse! Apparently I wasn’t supposed to be using the indoor toilet (and indoor toilets don’t flush paper, by the way…you put it in the trash). Outhouses aren’t that bad if you don’t think about it or when it’s light enough to see. When your system’s working on schedule, it’s no problem. It’s when you have…(how to put it lightly)…difficulty…that the outhouse becomes an inconvenience. You can’t exactly “sit it out.” By the end of my two years here, my hip flexors are going to be as strong as when I was doing gymnastics.

On a more serious note, we’re already one trainee down. At first it was just rumor. He wasn’t in my training site, so I couldn’t be sure. I still don’t know how the other trainees found out so quickly. My thoughts and prayers are with him: I hope he left for less threatening reasons rather than family illness, for example. But I can’t help but stay naïve: we’re all going to finish service (even though that’s already impossible). Maybe if I say it outloud and tap my right foot three times it will come true. The norm is that 1/3 will finish. ONE THIRD!!! Imagine coming ALL the way here….to MOLDOVA…and then not staying?!?! I know it happens and it may very well happen to me for any range of reasons, silly or serious. But I hope and pray that it doesn’t, because I am so excited about this. Still. (I guess at this point “so far” is more accurate than “still.)

I realized I was still feeling anxious about not having communicated with some people back home – people I love and miss and want to talk to. I need to take more deep breaths because my pulse has been a little high a little too often. And it’s just fact now: I’m not going to have regular internet access or a cell phone! Though, I might be able to get a cell phone next weekend. Mom? Dad? And, best yet, I believe if you call me, I don’t pay through my cell phone. So if you buy a phone card in the states and call my cell phone, you pay cheaper fees and I don’t pay at all! When I get it, I’ll put the number up and will tell you how to call me.

I Moved!!!

Weds Sep 19

I feel I'm really making progress with Romanian. We can communicate with less charades!!

Saturday Sep 16

I am sorry it has taken so long for me to update all of you on my new adventures, location, surroundings, faces, language, blah blah. Well, I say “so long” but I don’t actually think it’s been as long as it feels. I checked into PC staging in D.C. one week ago. Left California ten-ish days ago (the “ish” is for the time change). Moldova, by the way, is ten hours ahead of L.A. Thus, seven hours ahead of D.C.
So much has happened, so much has been crammed into this amount of space that, like the trip to Europe, it feels as if I’ve already been gone for ages. In D.C. I spent every night socializing with my brother and his friends – diverse, vibrant, funny, crazy. Staying up walking around the city I should’ve visited along time ago. Got to see the Souleles’ home in Virginia for the first time! Staging in D.C. was incredible – passionate staff, tangible positive energy, dressing up in business clothes, getting some questions answered and getting antsy to leave. I was totally Miss Talkative - jumpy, smiley Samantha.
I absolutely love the people that are in my training group. Which reminds me: I was going to put together an email list for all 40 of us, but I am one email short for now. It’s such an eclectic group and I’ve yet to experience any unease or awkwardness with any other Volunteer. Oklahoma, Nebraska, Washington, Virginia, California, Oregon, Illinois, New Hampshire, Texas – we’ve got it all, baby. And as I’m sure many of you have guessed, I am definitely the youngest. In fact, even when I have my 21st birthday in December, I believe I will still be the only one under 22, but I might be wrong on that one. The majority seem to be 22-24. A couple 25-27. A few older than that. Two 50+. One gentleman’s son is expecting a child. I suppose this helps me accept not being able to make it to Robby and Corinne’s wedding in December. Obviously I’m not going to be the only Volunteer who will miss events that happen in the States. I watched a home video of a Moldovan wedding today with my new host family – who are fabulous, by the way. Similar, but different traditions. Either I didn’t see the ceremony, or it’s almost entirely based around a reception.
We are all spread out in (5?) different towns now that we’ve moved to our training sites. There are eight other volunteers in my village of 3,000 people. I am not going to list names or specifics about locations. But I am so satisfied. No, not satisfied. Not relieved. Grateful? I’m pleased with the home I am staying in for these next ten weeks. That could likely be due to the fact that they have a green house. We’ve had fresh tomatoes during our lunch and our dinner – just like home. I would say that I’ve never seen redder tomatoes, or sweeter red tomatoes, but most of you know how much I love my dad’s tomatoes. It’s a slice of home…in Moldova…and it wasn’t even planned. Dirt roads, but a washing machine. Running water and an inside toilet (but only in the cold – when it’s hot, we use the outside hole). Now heater, but they have a nine-year-old daughter (perfect for me, no?) and a sixteen year old son. Their aunt and 14 year old cousin (female) stay here on the weekends, and live in the city during the week. Three dogs, one small cat who has two kittens.
Ah, the animals. When staying in the capital city of Chişinău (Kee-shi-now), there were small packs of neglected, stray dogs. They have the scruffy, lowered head, wide-eyed look of dogs who have been neglected and beaten and hungry for their entire life. They chase you when you jog (yes I’ve gone twice now with other volunteers). They howl and bark in the middle of the night. Maybe it’s just my imagination, but Chişinău dogs sound different than Los Angeles dogs – more desperate, perhaps.
And now I’m wondering if this is what homesick feels like. I really just want to listen to my music. Taylor Swift. Michael Bublé. The only English language songs I’ve heard so far are Britney Spears “Everytime,” Shakira, Akon, and some soft-rock something. I called home for the first time since I arrived in Moldova three days ago. And it was very nice to hear my parents’ voices. Very needed. Short but sufficient to get me by for a little bit. I have more people I want to call and talk to, but I can’t understand the phone card instructions – they’re in Romanian – and the semi-English-speaking cousin has gone to sleep. I haven’t cried yet. I actually cried at all since the plane ride home from Dublin. I didn’t cry when I left California. Don’t get me wrong, my eyes have welled up multiple times, sometimes multiple times within the same hour…but no tears have fallen. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell the difference between strength and shock.
The closest that I got to letting a drop fall was when I heard that someone had passed away from an illness he had battled for a while, an illness we ran and trained and raise money to cure. This wasn’t anyone I had met personally, but he has subsequently inspired others who have inspired me. I am here in Moldova partly because of the lessons I have learned from those people. Being part of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society’s Team in Training program was more significant than I’ve ever been able to articulate to my coaches, mentor, or fellow runners. There is a lot of self-searching involved in the decision to join, let alone in the service itself. But, being surrounded by people who work tirelessly for an end they might never witness in their lifetime – for people they may never know – is inspiring. It takes a special kind of person. They may not be running in Moldova, but they run through my mind regularly. So, Team in Training and Peace Corps are significantly related.
And thank you to those of you who didn’t want me to leave. I’m not asking you to cry for me, but I can’t deny that it helps me feel as if I actually might belong in some influential place in the world. Thank you to the gymnasts who cried at my departure (and then at my subsequent good-byes). Of course I cannot judge my influence in Moldova by the number of children that cry when I leave, but the idea is that we each have the potential to make an impact. We’ve been told that our impact is not always visible economically or in the structure of the town, but often by the number of people who know our name, ask for our advise, remember what we’ve shown them, and want us to stay. It meant worlds to me that I was able to go to Lauren’s Bat Mitzvah the Saturday before I left. While her parents were intent on making sure I knew how glad they were that I made it, I feel I didn’t adequately express how much it meant to ME to be part of that before I left. It makes it more difficult to separate yourself but it also makes you feel loved, respected, and, most importantly, READY.
And now I’m here. And it’s 1:30 in the morning. Tomorrow the community is celebrating the arrival of the nine of us, along with the two Language and Cross Cultural Facilitators who are staying in the village as well. So, off I go, to cross the cold floor of the house to use the indoor toilet and wash my face in the sink with running water, next to the washing machine (with no dryer, Kat!), and then I will practice a few ukulele chords because I’ve pretty much promised to play SOMETHING, ANYTHING at the Thanksgiving talent show. And, you know….it’s cool. And, no, we don’t get American holidays off. But as a group, all current and new volunteers/staff get together to celebrate Thanksgiving. But Christmas is after the New Year in the Orthodox system.
I was impressed with the emphasis placed on cross cultural exchange in the Peace Corps mission. We are explicitly expected to share cultures simply for the sake of sharing cultures, to help international understanding and respect between Americans and other peoples. It’s fabulous. I knew I liked this organization. The three goals are: to meet the requested needs of other countries for trained men and women (of course), to help other people gain a better understanding of Americans, and for Americans to gain a better understanding of other peoples.
Considering I’ve practically written a novel, I’ll finish this letter. I have a headache, either from wearing my glasses every day, staring at my computer, or (more likely) from trying to understand a language I don’t know.
Noapte Bună! Good night!

Leisure and Luggage and Letting Go

I returned last night from 4 weeks leisure in Europe. Well, I suppose it's not quite accurate to say that the entire trip was leisurely. Lugging around your luggage through cobblestone streets, breaking shoes, scars on my feet, and stomach problems are not leisurely, but I wouldn't take a day back if you promised me a lifetime more. And I'm not complaining at all; I loved it.
The reason I wanted to mention my trip was not to boast about it, but because of its significance to my leaving for Moldova. Upon returning, I had ten more days in California. I now have nine. There were times when I thought I should have planned for more time at home between my two excursions, but as my dad said about moving out a long time ago: You're never ready till you do it.

And that's how I feel about the Peace Corps. You see, about half way through our trip, when we were in Barcelona, I had a little episode of cold feet. Hot feet seems more just, because cold feet don't run, and my feet wanted to sprint. Running on coals, chasing a train. That's how I felt. I didn't want to go away for two years. I didn't want to commit to something else. (Many of you know how I feel about any type of commitment at the moment) I did NOT want to go to Moldova. I thought: Maybe I will just try to find a similar one-year program. Maybe I will wait and do a PC project next year, see how I feel then. But we all know what happens when people keep saying "next year." They don't do it. I wanted to take more time to travel around, to see new places and new faces, to travel around spontaneously with no one and nothing keeping me in one particular place, no one else to accommodate.

That feeling got even worse when we were in France, because I've wanted to move to France to expedite my french skills, to write a novel, to eat the food, to travel south of Paris. Paris also made it more difficult because I had to say my first "farewell." Well, actually, when Mike and Angie dropped me off at the Charleston airport in July and I looked after their blue van, I realized I wouldn't see them for a few years. THAT was my first goodbye. But it's different with friends, I suppose, because I'm used to seeing Liz multiple times a year. And now, in Paris, I said goodbye knowing I would likely not see her until I came home from service....in 2009. (I love you Liz, and I am so glad that I was able to spend such a romantic city with you!)

Somewhere in my travels, I settled down. The travelling wore me out - a little, as I will never get tired of travelling - and I was relatively ready to come home. I think part of the problem was that "coming home" meant "facing leaving again." But, in London, Alan reminded me how quickly two years will go by. As simple a statement as that, it was very necessary. It was also wonderful to know that the Scales family will be in London while I'm in Moldova. It's not the same region, but it's definitely Europe. Thank you all, by the way, because your support and love was more appreciated than I can ever express. And thank you Mike and Cindy Gold for all of your effort in connecting me to Moldova and making sure I would be welcomed and accommodated. It's also wonderful to know that Prague is just a short plane flight away. That's not silly complimentary banter; it's truly reassuring.

So, here I am. Nine days left in California, grateful that my two days staging is in Washington D.C. so I can see my brother up until the last possible moment, jumping beans in my stomach, not quite procrastinating but definitely taking my time to "get my stuff together" before I leave.
There is nothing too crazy to do, but a lot of little things. When I was on the plan home, I prayed that I would not stress during these last ten days, that I would appreciate them. Only ten days, Samantha, you have to deal with it. I have accepted that I cannot possibly see everyone that I want to see before I go...

Which reminds me: party...friday...our house. Nothing crazy, but I WOULD like to see as many people as possible before I go. Bring a dish or a drink, and your camera, of course. Everyone is welcome.

I've also really missed some home cooking. And then realized that missing it after one month is nothing compared to missing it after two years. I'm very spoiled with my parents' cooking, and now I have to live without it. Now I will be living with another family and experiencing THEIR home cooking. But we all know it's not the same. This week will be jam-packed with my favorite dishes - very exciting!

It was interesting to live with less for these past four weeks. For Michael and Kat, it was a chance to realize what they will appreciate when they get home (except for Kat, who won't have clothes dryers next Spring). For me, it was an opportunity to practice not having certain amenities. Like private bathrooms. Or air conditioning. Or keyboards with letters in weird places. But I LOVED not having a cell phone. Except of course when I had people who were waiting on me...

Thank you to everyone that shared this summer with me. Thank you for the people who speak other languages for reminding me how much I LOVE languages and how excited I am to learn another one soon. Thank you for those who shared local foods and drinks (and bought me drinks). Thank you to those who offered their homes and their time and their jokes. Thank you for the horrible play with Orlando Bloom for reminding me how much I love theatre. Thank you for those who wrote to me or called me while I was away; your thoughts were very needed, especially when I was in doubt of my decisions.

Back to some responsibility now. I have some calls to make, some things to get in order, some items to pack up (emotionally and literally). "It's grown up time," as Kat and I discussed. Well, considering my favorite character is Peter Pan, I don't think it's every quite grown up time. But something like it, maybe.