Sunday's Sudden Want

I don't know what it was about today. It was a while in the making, but perhaps the cool lazy breeze on this rainless summer day was the catalyst. Perhaps it was the lack of desire to get on a bus and realizing instead that what I wanted more than anything...what I couldn't stop picturing in my head...was that California back yard on a summer afternoon, with my easle set up under the shade of the walnut tree and a cool glass of water in my hand, a paintbrush in the other. I wanted to be painting. I wanted to be outside. And I wanted to be in a comfortable, home-like setting - someplace I knew where all I would think of was the canvas in front of me, the stroke of the brush, the mood, the world I was painting. It wasn't so much that I didn't want to be in Moldova. It had nothing to do with wanting to leave. I just wanted to have that same feeling with me - and I didn't. It was the strength of that wanting and the subsequent disappointment that surprised me. I know that I can't paint on my bedroom wall anymore, but I wanted to. I wanted a big, limitless canvas. And I wanted it immediately. I bought some paints instead, plus a handful of brushes and some paper. And I will paint soon and I will love it.